Awake 004

If you have not read the previous instalments do that before you start this one
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We had a daughter?
Is Ifeoma trying to play a silly prank? What does she mean by we had a daughter?
I already asked my mother to come and explain because I don't seem to understand what is going on. What is Ifeoma trying to tell me?

My mother walked in and she could see the anger and the hurt in my eyes. I stopped pacing aimlessly around my room and took a seat on my very scattered bed. My mum dragged a chair from the corner and took her seat directly opposite me.

"She told you right?" She said looking in my eyes
"Was she not meant to tell me I had another child?" I asked my mother because she was confusing me
"Well, she was but at least not now. With everything that has been happening, she wasn't meant to say anything"
"Ok. Where is she?"
"Who?"
"My daughter"
"She died"

What is going on? God why did you bring me back? I am hating my life right now.

"It was after your accident. Ifeoma fainted in the hospial. We realized she was pregnant. The child died 2 days after delivery"

I looked at her speechless

"Why?"

"Congenital heart disease"

"But, she could have pulled through"

"That was what we thought. I am sorry"

"I want to be alone"

"I will be downstairs if you need me" I told her

Why me? Why? I don't get how I am to wake up to te horrors of this life. I can't handle it. No I can't.

I look on my dresser and I see the drugs the doctors had prescribed for me. I open my bedside fridge and bring out a bottle of water.

In 2 minutes I had done it. All the drugs were in my system and I was slipping into darkness...


Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

How did I get here?

It was one of those days. I woke up from a short sleep and the first thing I did was check my phone. If I was with my BlackBerry, I would have probably checked that first. I checked for missed calls and new messages. It wasn't like I was going to call or text back. I just needed to see if someone had tried to reach me. You know how "important" I am.

I get up, watch TV, brush my teeth, take a bath, drink a glass of water and I am out. In Out of Eden's word, I needed to go "kick it and hangout" with friends, acquaintances and even enemies. It is pretty cool to just hangout and interact with people. Is it not? 

In the evening I go home, eat and watch TV and wish my life was a combination of all the shows I watch minus all the drama... and as I watch the show.... I sleep off.... and wake up the next morning....and the cycle continues....

How did I get here?

When did I switch priorities? When did "hanging out and having fun" become the core of my existence? Am I on earth to party hard and shayo and be popular? Am I here to club and stay relevant on the social scale? Am I here to just live my life for myself? Am I here to chill at the "hottest spots" and do I "Thank God Its Friday" so I can go out and "unwind" or am I meant to relax and enjoy the little things?

A while back, I asked God that I wanted to live so simple. According to Ms. Orrico "much less is more". I told him I wanted to be true to Him. You know? Just live my life so that it can shout of His fame. I told him I want to live a life of impact and of difference. I told him I didn't want to go through the motions: I didn't want to live my life just randomly... you know....

So how did I get here?

I want you to pause and look over your life and ask yourself how you got to were you are? Was this the place you hoped to be? What are your priorities? What are the things you consider important? Why do you do what you do? Are you making a difference?

Search yourself. 

Make adjustments.

Live the difference.

Trotcha!

PS: Zamfara has beautiful water lilies

New thoughts on life

Hey guys,
It feels good to be back on blogville. I have lots of gist as regards Zamfara but I want to share what came to me this morning. Be blessed

Sometimes it is like the darkness is closing in,
Things get really difficult,
We make friends, we lose friends,
There is pain, there is sorrow
We fall in love, we get heartbroken,
Its life.
How do we deal?
How do we go through it all?
There is that point were we sit and wonder if there really is a greater plan,
We are on a quest for something more (I know I am).

It is so sad that we sometimes build our hopes on the wrong things,
We look for love in ALL the wrong places,
We search for peace in material things.
I don't want to be that guy.
Life is too short.
I want to be content and happy,
I want to smile at the little things.
I do not want to just survive, I want to subdue and overcome.
I want my journey through life to be awesome,
So I am praying and hoping,
That at the end I will shed tears of joy and not pain,
That my laughter will echo all through eternity,
Life...oh life....
The determinant of how eternity is going to be,
Help me Lord...
Help me live the life.
Trotcha!!!