OK. I actually got over this feeling, for a while that is but I don’t know why it is back again. I think right now I am at a cross roads in my life that I really don’t know what’s up anymore. Everybody thinks they have all figured out and they make phrases like ‘I know you more than you know yourself’ but I ask myself, how can you know a person more than they know themselves? Left to me, it is a pretty messed up saying that should go into extinction. Only God knows us more than we know ourselves not our friends, parents or even siblings.
Right now, i need to get in sync with God. I just need to be able to breathe again. The things i have been hoping for i don’t have. I need to be able to get myself together, be able to think. I retreated into my space the last time and i got pulled out by different people. Family gave me a reason to come out and be the person I used to be but now it is looking like it is going to take more than family to pull me out. There is this longing in my heart for something more. Something I can hold on to.
I want to really go back into my space. But this time, I dont want to go alone. I want to go with the Holy Spirit. I need him to minister to me. Let him tell me that everything is going to be alright. That is just what I need right now. Life is too short for me to get depressed. There is so much to live for. I know that.
Anyways, This is where i stop.