OK... I need you to read this story and please comment when you are done.
There's this girl, lets call her Jaiye. She meets this guy when she is hanging out with her friends. She and the guy hit it off and they start talking on the phone regularly. The guy seemed like an amazing sensitive guy, only thing was she was older than him. They started a relationship irrespective of the age difference, I mean he was just 2 years younger than her... (Let us call the guy, Bayo).
Anyways, a week after they met they started going out and Jaiye was so happy. It felt like she had found the guy of her dreams. Something told her to be rational about the whole thing, I mean relationships are not things you rush into... you have to take your time and study but she felt there was something in Bayo...he was special...
Their relationship went on and they started making out intensely... I mean clothes came off and all... The only thing was she wasn't ready to have sex just yet. The drama then started when Bayo tells her that he had sex with some girl who was a friend to Jaiye's best friend. He asked her for forgiveness and promised it won't happen again. They got over it and after that, Bayo changed. He became very insensitive to Jaiye's feelings, he never called her...she was always calling. He never visited her, she was the one always visiting him... I was like she was giving 100 and he was giving 20... He never told her he loved/liked her. He only did when they were making out..even the making out sessions were very irregular... Jaiye decided she had had enough and decided it was time to call it quits. Besides, she had heard gist from her friend that he was still sleeping with the other chic. She calls him and asks him if he is happy with her and that if he is not he should say so. She then asks if he was still sleeping with the other chic... he tells her yes and says that she forced himself on him a few times but it is not gonna happen again. He then re-asks her out and promises that this time he will try and make the relationship work. Jaiye agreed thinking that things were gonna get better....
Truth is, things went from bad to worse. He stopped talking to her and it was like he had built a wall around him. She tried to reach him, to draw close and it was like she was pushing him away... One day, she decides that it was time she ended the relationship. It was unhealthy and it was sucking everything away he from her. She then sends a note to him, telling him she can't deal with the drama anymore. With that, she takes herself on a mini vacation away from all the drama.
One week later, she arrives back and she hears from two sources that her ex has been looking for her. She goes to see him and he tells her that why did she send him that note and he thought she was the older one. He then goes "Anyways, I am cool and happy with what you did. I wanted to break up with you but giving your long history of bad breakups, I did not want to be the one to break up. Bye"
It is like Jaiye was hit by a bus. The least he could have done was to ask her why and apologize, I mean he was a jerk... As I speak to you, Jaiye is slipping into depression mode...
So guys... what do you think? I have been trynna make excuses for the guy but I can't... Yes, they rushed into the relationship but really? Please drop your comments, suggestions, advice to Jaiye... I dunno... say something...
As for me... relationships=drama... I dunno if I am ready for that... Let her listen to Stacie Orrico's I am not missing you...
Trotcha!!!
Oh boi!
ReplyDeletepersonally, communication is KEY, people have turned that into a cliche, but its important that convo flows, and lik u touched on, he shud hav mentioned somethin earlier.
another thing i believe in is dat, once a foundation is bad, whatever is built will sooner or later crumble. Let God be ur foundation mehn. When God says do this and dat, He is actually ssayin it for your benefit and not because He is wicked. It may not seem lik ur kind of thing, but mehn... trust God innit
@Rotex... that is the truth..communication matters a lot..do not see why the guy could not have a conversation with the girl...
ReplyDeleteHmmmm She went wrong from day one..So wrong..Not the rules of the game.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to add to Rotex. What has happened is in the past. Jaiye should pick herself up and move on.
ReplyDeletethis is really some drama....she did violate the "rules of engagement", and thats just it :-))
ReplyDelete"...if the foundation be destroyed; [Even the Righteous can not do anything]" The foundation of the relationship was bad so I dont expect such to last for long. Make out sessions with clothes coming off was just too fast. It sucks dry the essence of trust and communication in a relationship. Well, say I am talking from experience and now I know better.
ReplyDeleteTell Jaiye to forget about what's past. It's time to start looking ahead for smthing better.
Wait, did I hear she's had a long history of break ups... Hmmm.. Jaiye has got some soul searching and learning to do...
- LDP
Quesion: why d babe no just straff d guy???
ReplyDeletewat rule is everyone talking about?
ReplyDeleteand im not sure how she's to blame except for trusting this guy a lil too much!
"Anyways, I am cool and happy with what you did. I wanted to break up with you ...Bye"...
ReplyDeleteWow, that was kinda harsh.
I'm with Myne, past is past, girl should pick herself up and move on.
On Staccie, sounds like a good one, used to rock her songs a while back. I'll youtube that.
Interesting comments guys... One thing is common to all the comments... Jaiye should move on...
ReplyDeleteShe picked a jerk, she needs to learn from her mistake and move on, at least she didn't sleep with him abi?
ReplyDeleteOr did she? Either way she should move on and not look back.
I don't have a lot of dating experience despite my many years of life but let me first say that Bayo's treatment of Jaiye was shabby.
ReplyDeleteHowever, Jaiye's treatment of Jaiye (yes, herself!) was shabby! She should have known the moment he slept with another woman while they were in their own relationship that it can't work. I personally do not believe that a person can cheat just once; it is often multiple times. And some actually believe that if they cheat more than once with the same person, it's ok! Ridiculous!
The minute Jaiye felt that Bayo was not treating her in a respectful way, she should have said good bye. What a lame excuse he used later on, that the girl forced herself on him. Clearly sex in a relationship is important to Bayo and as such, Jaiye should not have stuck around hoping that doing "everything but sex" would keep him.
Also, why was she ok with always being the one chasing him down? When she broke up and went on vacation and heard he was looking for her, what made her go seek him out? Shebi the same people who told her that he was looking for her would have told him that she had returned!
Jaiye made a number of mistakes in the handling of this relationship in my opinion. There were clear signs that Bayo did not have even basic respect for her and she should not have wasted so much time on him.
I strongly recommend she accept the following: Bayo is not the guy for her. She needs to work on improving her own feelings of self worth. Yes, she was rejected and treated shabbily but she needs to know Bayo was not who God intended for her. She needs to do things to take her mind off the situation and hang out with people who lift her up rather than shabby good-for-nothing men!
100% to 20%???? that's is a no no! good riddance to bad rubbish!
ReplyDeleteyeah jaiye should move on and find a good person with a good heart
ReplyDeletemay i also add that we need to watch the kind of people we get involved with. I mean 'love' can be decievin and blind, not judging but people need to create or sort of standard aswell. im sure the girl saw some attributes in the guy that she ignored. save urself a heartbreak!
ReplyDeleteShe didn't sleep with the guy right? Then she needs to be happy she didn't share that aspect of her with someone that proved undeserving. That is the first thing she must remember.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what Bayo was thinking, but I wonder if his attitude towards her changed because she forgave the indiscretion. Sounds strange to some, but after doing TTTEC and being a personal shrink to loads of people (men included), it actually makes sense.
Anyway, Bayo owes her nothing, even if she would like to think so. Chin up, Jaiye. Allow yourself a 'mourning period', fine. But, she must never allow someone else's insensitivity and callousness to drive the joy from her spirit. Life is too short to waste crying over someone that more than likely is undeserving of the tears, particularly as he is more than likely not crying over her.
Best of luck, Jaiye.
Jaiye needs a makeover. she can learn some goodstuff from Godd Nigerian girl's advice firstly. My conclusion is dat wit sucha bad histroy she does indeed need internal HEALING. she needs a good, helpful and true girlfriend to lean on her shoulders and walk for a bit. I am guessing word from Song of Solomon (bible) could help her have a muc h better understanding of love... as wel as the love of god possibly. that should be good medicine. apart from that there is music like Harry suggested and also good books on Love out there she should pick and spend time reading, to take her away and MAKE HER OVER indeed (stronger and better). Then she can make better future choices.
ReplyDeletehav JOY
love of God* (I mean)
ReplyDeletegood thing that they already broke up, he's a jerk! for the mean time just be there for your friend. she was still in the process of grieving and the last stage was acceptance and hope itll be sooner..
ReplyDeleteWow! Quite a moving story...Like e'rone has said...She should move one...but i'd like to say to anyone looking 4 a gr8 relationship...NEVER RUSH INTO ANY! Take ur time to know this individual. One love!
ReplyDelete